This masterwork of angst and not getting laid at all in my twenties is apparently worth getting published. I shared this one in an episode of 20scene TUBE because I find it hilarious that a medical journal thought it was worthwhile to publish a poem about me jerking off with mood candles as my only light to view a skin mag. Mind you I have effectively had no sex life outside that sort of thing in almost 15 years… that is somewhat a health problem… Now I’m scared they published me because they thought I was an incel!

Listen my people, I am not an incel. I am chaste! I love baby Jesus and am saving myself for marriage in my own special way. Seriously, God help me. I would probably have sex if the opportunity struck, but I guess I don’t throw myself out there; Idunno. Either way I don’t care if people know, I’m very open about this sort of thing–CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SEX LIFE???

All that said ol’ peanut butter over here thinks you’re pretty rad for making it this far into the mind of a dude who decided peanut spread would be a suitable pen name. What’s beyond me though is the certain dogma to porno magazines, I mean the whole principle involved in getting to the point of buying them. WHO MAKES IT SO??? I usually just get angry and then get very not angry with some mood candles on… please don’t tell people how I live.